Fraying at the Edges During the Best Year Ever

I have not written anything in almost two months. After the schoolwork was finished, it was delicious to just do nothing for a while. I have worked my 40 hours, played video games, watched videos, read books, and have not written a word. It is satisfying to have no deadline hovering, no huge project looming at the end of a compressed, eight-week “term.” (Typical classes normally take 16 weeks.) Cramming everything into 8 weeks adds a constant pressure to the work itself. Each class blends into the next in a ritual of reading, research, and writing.

This year has been so unique in that there has been a constant barrage of unprecedented events.  From the traumatic response to the pandemic, to the rabid political infighting going on today, we as a population have been operating under a constant barrage of fear, confusion, and propaganda.

To summarize the year so far:  Australia burned, Kobe died, Covid-19, lockdowns, record unemployment, stock market crash, George Floyd, riots, violence, social justice, cancel culture, RBG dies, the presidential race, politics, elections, chaos, lies, and censorship.

Did I mention never before seen hot spots and earthquake swarms all along the edges of the tectonic plate called the North American Crayton? All this seismic activity has started in the past 10 days. The North American Crayton is said to have been stable for 600 million years.

You may be wondering how I could think that 2020 is the best year ever?

In 2019, after my fourth Christmas with my then girlfriend Jenny, I began to feel a spiritual compulsion. This compulsion came in the form of a disturbance in my spirit. I felt I could not get any closer to God without marrying Jenny. I could no longer “live in sin.” So on January 12, I asked her to marry me.

It was Leap Year, cold and breezy, the sun was shiny, and everyone we love came to see us say the words. We ate and assembled ourselves together, had fellowship and made memories; it was a wedding proper. Maybe my best day ever.

At last I had spiritual peace. And therein lies the secret to why this is the best of all my years.

My wedding is a pivot point for me. Everything was “normal” until we got back from our honeymoon. As soon as we were back and unpacked, the pandemic was declared, and reality was broken.

I put on a happy face. I became the preacher of positivity. Nothing could get me down. I was manic. I began preparing for the end of all things. We drastically increased the size of our garden and I bought books on self-sustainability. I expected the worst and hoped for the best.

I began following the news, I continued to go to school, I invested in items that I thought would help us live in hard times, and every day I grew more agitated. I had road rage. I scowled, I ranted, and I had more road rage. My manic positive outlook had soured into an angry brooding. It began to be obvious something was wrong.

Finally Jenny asked me why I was so angry.

I hadn’t realized it, but I had been acting very aggressive and angry-especially behind the wheel. I had to face the fact that I was not Ok with the “new normal.” Over the next few weeks, I caught myself acting angry, being rude, and engaging in mean behavior. Each time I realized I was “Dark Siding,” I prayed. Inviting God to my awareness during anger moments was the key for me to begin to heal. I still have a long way to go.

I’m still frayed around the edges.

Another reason this is the best year ever is I graduated from college. I love to read and write, and college has taught me the frameworks and methods that allow great writing to happen. I learned how to learn by going to college. I met myself along the way, found some precious spaces to explore, and decided that the learning need never end.

Which leads me to yet another reason this year is the best ever. All of these happenings point to some profound events that are yet to come. I am a student of the Bible. I make it a hobby to study and learn and know what times we live in and what the Bible says about the times. To understand prophecy, you must know what the Bible says. Then you must find out what is going on in the world.

You will not find out what is going on in the world on the television or the Main Stream Media.

I have had many conversations with people this year about the unprecedented events, and have found myself at odds with friends I’ve known for 20 years. This year I have personally encountered fighting, yelling, walking out, and hanging up the phone with my long-time friends. I do not know how many social media friends I have lost.

Change is happening whether I want it or not. Change is uncomfortable most of the time. Change can cause confrontations I would rather avoid. I am having to learn to accept my own reactions and take responsibility for being a big jerk sometimes. Fortunately I have Jenny to remind when I am misbehaving.

I am now taking personal responsibility for my actions and I examine my true intentions. I have road rage, I can be condescending, and I am prideful, demanding, and angry. I am a fallen soul in need of redemption. I am owning that more and more.

I’m still frayed around the edges.

For me, this is the Best Year Ever because I have finally made my walk with Jesus the most important thing. I rely upon God for my strength and my peace. As I become less, He becomes more. When I am completely empty, He makes me full. When I feel afraid, He is mighty to save.

We all know the circumstances that make this year the Worst Year Ever. But we should all take a moment and realize that never before has there been such an opportunity for growth, healing, and peace. The world is watching those of us who say we believe.  

Personally, I have failed on a number of occasions this year. Recently failed . . . The presidential debate comes to mind. But whenever I find myself falling back into that old way of thinking and acting, I pray and begin the walk back toward the Most High.

Everybody is fraying at the edges this year, everyone is hurting, experiencing loss, and fighting to survive. I am still frayed at my edges, too. I hope it helps someone to know that we are all suffering over the loss of our way of life. We all mourn the death of “normal.”

It hurts to realize there is no going back.

To combat the dread of the unknown future, I can suggest a book that accurately predicts events yet to happen, the Bible. There is a cornerstone, a sure foundation, a rock of truth that can be a refuge in this world of chaos. If you are new to the Bible, start with the gospel of John.

We get to be alive when the creator of all things comes bodily to earth to restore righteousness and judge the wicked! I cannot think of anything more momentous. God blessed us all! I could not have picked a better time to be alive!

This year is the Best Year Ever because I married my best friend, graduated from college, and found a refuge from the evil in a renewed relationship with Jesus Christ.

I will be a witness to eternity.

I am still frayed at the edges, but now there is also peace.